1. When dieting I only eat the fruit-flavored jelly beans.

2. Most of my kid’s Christmas toys work.

3. When I try to picture Dolores Umbridge, my mind fills with the visage of Janet Napolitano.

4. Now that Christmas is over, the next day on the calendar which will be wielded to make you feel guilty about something…anything is MLK day. Then Valentines. Then Easter. Oh wait, I forgot New Years. Just watch. So terribly predictable.

5. The only thing I like about being sick is the reading while your laying around. And the bacon.

6. As soon as Christmas came the ornaments on our tree breathed a sigh of relief but could not help but feel sorry the toys knowing their future held little hope.

7. I knew I had lost my daughter when she chose to play with the Leapster over the iPad.

8. I don’t think the modern evangelical church knows how to disciple men and women in their day in and day out lives. All it knows is “quit what you are doing and be radical.”

9. If you can get drunk on queso and salsa, tonight I’m getting plastered.

10. Spent $70 worth of iTunes gift cards on a digital Springsteen box set. Part of one of the videos didn’t work. Just part of one. Apple is crediting my account for that $70 plus tax. And all I asked for was a way to fix it. That is customer service.