Wife: Why won’t this person drive faster?!
Daughter: Maybe it’s a mommy and her children are asking her lots of questions?

I am not the most skilled banker but my dish of suckers always stays full.

My name plate at work almost gave a worship leader a heart attack the other day.

I haven’t run in two weeks so now I only have two pairs of pants for work that fit.

I’m reading the Harry Potter books and watching The Lord of Rings so basically I have no cool points left at all.

One of my customers met Bethany last week, “How the hell did you get her?”

“I not adorable, mommy. I awesome.” – Dylan, 4

Look, I don’t wanna be judgmental but I look down on people who by choice eat hamburgers without cheese.

I fell off the wagon and looked at Facebook for 30 seconds this morning. I’ll never get that 30 seconds back.

I’m preaching this Sunday and I look forward to it the way a swimmer looks to the waterline for air.

Advertisements