Thursday’s Random Thoughts – Thanksgiving Edition


I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought, and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder. — G.K. Chesterton

We all have so much to be thankful for. Sometimes the difficulties and disappointments that come our way with life-changing force make it hard to see the goodness of God through the veil of tears. So it’s good to have a season where you remind yourself of what we have to be thankful for. Every Most Some nights we have sat at the table and shared what we are thankful for this month. It can get hilarious. Anyway here are some random things I’m thankful for…

1. I’m thankful for the wind that blows the leaves out of our yard into our neighbor’s yard because they have teenagers who can rake them up.

2. I’m thankful for the way my wife’s hair takes on a reddish edge in the bright sun light. It’s hard to explain but it has the feel of seeing her for the first time all over again.

3. I’m thankful for friends who when we go out to eat, don’t eat everything but eat too much for there to be enough to take it home and so I make sure I sit real close to those friends.

4. I’m thankful my wife is a fantastic cook because we cannot afford to go out to eat a whole lot.

5. I’m thankful for my books for which I wouldn’t trade the grandest of vacations.

6. I’m thankful for a God who rescues those of us who resist it.

7. I’m thankful for bluesy guitar work that pushes against the darkness in ways I cannot understand.

8. I’m thankful for the hide button on Facebook and the mute button on Twitter.

9. I’m thankful for my kids’ laughter.

10. I’m thankful for coffee without which nothing.

11. I’m thankful for the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade because it’s the best excuse to stop cleaning up before family comes over.

12. I’m thankful for my brothers and sister-in-laws and nieces and nephews on this first holiday season without my parents. Keeps those orphan blues at bay.

13. I’m thankful for the Jason Hayward trade.

14. I’m thankful for the Psalms in which I’ve seen myself and God more.

15. I’m thankful there is a dawn after the long dark night of the soul.

16. I’m thankful for the God-given skill of putting anything in a taco.

17. I’m thankful for Mystery Road which I’ve been listening to for 25 years.

18. I’m thankful for grilled leftover turkey, cranberry sauce, and cream cheese sandwiches.

19. I’m thankful I live in the city I love the most.

20. I’m thankful for the hope, undeserved, by which we make our way in this world till the end of our days and see the One hoped for, face-to-face.

Thursday’s Random Thoughts

My brain is like the drawer in the kitchen holding almost everything imaginable, Much of it, you have no idea why it’s still there. But you keep it around anyway. These are my thoughts. Dead batteries. Pencils without lead. A drawer full of rubber bands and packets of Duck Sauce.

1. What I’m about to say may sound strange. But you get used to the blues. And my fear in what has seemed like a slow but sure climbing out, is that I’d forget the mercy and goodness of God while I was there. But over the past week or so I have heard two stories that are excruciating for two individuals. My first reaction? An understanding pain. Knowing that everything good thing now has a cloud casting a shadow over it. But I also know the goodness and mercy of God in the midst. I want them to know it.

2. I think I can picture how the father ran to the son in the story of the prodigal son because of when the pizza delivery guy turns onto my street.

3. I don’t watch a lot of TV outside of baseball, but we will watch a little. What little we do watch in the genre of drama is mostly just that, drama. Constant friction between characters. There are moments of friendliness and kindness but so little getting along well. The arc of most stories go this way.

4. One of the best things my parents did for me as a young person was tell me “no” a lot when I asked for the latest and greatest and never buy me an awesome car.

5. The ethos of the protest culture is missing from the NT.

6. My wife finished painting our bedroom and so last night we sat in the floor and listened to The Grateful Dead and ate Doritos.

7. A number of months ago I made a statement of incredulity about Pastor Mark Driscoll’s million dollar home.  Today we found out how much he made and what is so sad is he could afford it very easily at the expense of the sheep he lied to.

8. I really wish I’d been introduced to needtobreathe earlier…errrr, listened to Sean Dameron earlier.

9. In an effort to be more spiritual than everyone else, we never stopped doing advent last year.

10. The cross is a place where every imaginable hurt can be seen. And understood.

Thursday’s Random Thoughts

These happen for a reason. A few reasons. First, my brain works like this. Second, while some of these may become a post one day, most don’t have the legs. Third, I get in trouble with my wife if I don’t post them.

1) I hate violence. But more than that, I hate violence against the weak and the powerless.

2) I’m late to the party on NEEDTOBREATHE but my wife and I have really enjoyed listening to them, even though they have the worst band name ever.

3) While I understand the desire for bloggers to write posts about the lessons learned from the Mark Driscoll/Mars Hill debacle, I do not think the time has come for those posts yet. The story is still unfolding. There are real people’s lives still being adversely affected in real time by the ongoing actions and non-action of Driscoll and Mars Hill Leadership. Posts of lessons learned are good clickbait but reduce what is happening without waiting for the fallout. This is not merely the story of what could happen. This is a story of what is happening.

4) Am I the only one who feels more secure when I wear a jacket or coat? Not just against the cold weather, but more secure as a person. I should probably talk to my therapist about that.

5) My daughter has her first “dance” this Friday night and there is not enough Xanax in the world.

6) I keep hearing about so many pastors leaving the ministry to go do something else. I do not blame them so much as want to warn them of what I’ve been through. Maybe they will be more successful outside vocational ministry than I have been. And therefore not as miserable. But it is a little unnerving. I do not judge them. But am unnerved and wonder if something is afoot.

7) Better band name than NEEDTOBREATHE: The Need to, The Need, The Needs, NTB, ntb, (basically anything except what they have), etc.

8) I cannot for the life of me understand all the emphasis on leadership among pastors and minsters. The New Testament has so many admonitions to our leaders and none of them sound like the leadership lessons being bought and sold these days. I’m gonna go out on a limb and assume that the leadership lessons for pastors will not work in the business world. But the lessons of the business world, specifically marketing, are the order of the day.

9) I imagine heaven is a lot like when I’m sitting around the kitchen table laughing with my wife and kids.

10) Just kidding, I don’t have a therapist. #wine

Sometimes the Morning Comes Years Later


“Weeping may tarry for the night                                                                                but joy comes with the morning.”

Sometimes the morning comes years later.


For the first time in years. Joy. Maybe that’s not what it is. But joy is the word that kept raising its hand when I asked what was going on. Who knows in this world with so much more mystery than I ever bargained for? So many questions and so few good answers.

Over the past few years, we have experienced what the Bible calls trials. But more often than not it felt like our own personal hell. A dying daily without the relief of death and a resurrection.

The belly of a whale, if you will.

The brink of financial collapse.                                                                            Both parents going on ahead.                                                                     Vocational failure.                                                                                             Does our daughter have Aspergers?                                                                   Panic attacks.

Yesterday morning I was studying for a Sunday School lesson and something clicked. I’d been studying the verse in question for two weeks. I’d taught on it numerous times. I saw nothing new there. But I experienced warmth. The steady warmth of joy I once knew but had long forgotten.

And the passage was a command, not a promise. But warmth nonetheless.

This is not to say there have not been some very happy times in the last few years. Bethany and I’s marriage is the stuff of envy. We pine for time with the other. Our kids give us smiles miles wide. We have friendships we would not trade for riches untold. A home in our hometown we are always glad to return to. A loving extended family. And a church thick with kindness.

But the belly of the whale is a hard place. And the black nights seemed to never end. Sometimes. The weight of broken worlds hitherto unknown seemed to have been laid square upon our souls.

My soul.

Joy was lost in a sea of dreaded days. Every day off from work was clouded by the days coming. Every Friday evening felt like a putting off of the inevitable misery of Monday morning. Sunday night was just a looking over the edge into the mouth of hell itself.

Life couldn’t be afforded with me working. Quitting sounded like freedom but no option.

I know all that sounds extreme but I swear I felt like I was primitive camping in the valley of the shadow of death. Whether I was or not is really neither nor there, now isn’t it?

But then click.

Joy. Not the hand-raising kind. But the kind of joy you know you will take into the day ahead and make the bluest sky bluer. The autumn leaves flame bright like a thousand suns. The joy demanding all moments that follow must honor the moment when it finally broke through. The kind of joy that asks nothing crazy of you but rest. Finally rest. Rest like a reverse echo of the final rest where all be made new and we will see the King for all he is. And breathe in the deep satisfaction of all our sighed-out hopes.

It is true, joy comes with morning.                                                                       But more often than not, years later                                                                   After the soul’s dark night mourning                                                                    After the years level-best thieving                                                                      After the white-knuckle grieving.

Thursday’s Random Thoughts

1) One of my favorite customers is an elderly doctor from India. When he walks he shuffles his feet just like my Dad would and it’s makes me glad and sad to see him.

2) The great problem of the neo-Calvinist movement can be summed up in how relentless the leaders of the movement and their followers go after men like Joel Osteen and Rob Bell when they release a new book. They write articles and passive-aggressive tweets. But when Janet Medford actually point blank confronted Mark Driscoll on her radio show about the plagiarism in his books, she was painted as the “bad guy” by Justin Taylor, et al.

3) Seamus Heaney

4) Remember that time I was listening to Ryan Adams in my truck and then went into Publix and Bryan Adams was playing and I had just been talking about both of them because it was their birthday and then I went home and heard one of my kids listening to the Tangled soundtrack and Mandy Moore is in Tangled and she is married to Ryan Adams?

5) I am so so tired of not eating pizza every night.

6) There is a scene in the first season of Lost when Boone asks Locke what he did for a living before they crashed on the Island. Locke tells him he was a collections supervisor for a box company and he gives Boone this look with a smile. Boone, after all he has seen John Locke do, says, “Yeah, right.” I want to one day give someone that look.

7) There are a bazillion ways for a place of employment to humiliate you and steal little bits of your dignity.

8) Ryan Adams is great music if you love old school country, folk, punk, metal, and classic rock.

9) So last week I got another email from a church letting me know they were not interested in me as an associate pastor. I sent them my info three months ago.

Three months.

10) Adulthood sucks.

Some Thoughts at the Dissolution of Mars Hill


Over the the past few weeks, I’ve started and then stopped a number of posts on the now daily events surrounding Mark Driscoll and Mars Hill Church. None seemed adequate to the situation and so many others closer to the situation were saying it all so much better anyway. I was not sure I had anything to add of any substance.

Maybe I do now. Maybe not. But I wanted to offer a few thoughts in a format you, my faithful readers, have come to expect.

1) One of the more expected responses I keep seeing is how people don’t like all the rejoicing over Driscoll being gone from Mars Hill and the dissolution of Mars Hill into a bunch of independent churches.

First, there are certainly some who have reacted in an unseemly fashion to these events. But this is story is big enough to be picked up by major news outlets, the reactions will be varied and there will be extremes just like there is for every other news story ever. If you are pro-life you won’t appreciate being branded by the extreme of those who justify the killing of those who do abortions.

Second, I’ll call their bluff. There are good reasons to rejoice and celebrate. Driscoll had no business being a pastor. Mars Hill was an abusive ministry (Paul Tripp’s words) bordering on a cult. I can only assume the fear and oppression that once prevailed no longer does. There is a lot to rejoice about.

Last, I’ve seen far more sadness and grief and joy at the repentance taking place than anything. That won’t get as much press. But if you are really paying attention, this is what you will see more than anything.

2) Apart from blogs, none of the good things we are seeing, happens. I truly believe that. You don’t like those blogs (watch bloggers!)? I really don’t give a care. Were they  perfect? Of course not. But sometimes when you are helping the weak and wounded, it gets messy. Bloody and ugly. Sometimes you hope those who are speaking out against would emasculate themselves. The bloggers spoke up because no one else did.

3) Yesterday, a beautiful letter of repentance was released, exonerating Petry and Meyer and their firing and the shunning of their families. Go read it. Read it because that kind of repentance is so rare. Read it because you need to see the details of the evil perpetrated in the name of the gospel against these men and their families.

Here’s the thing, I’ve known about these charges for years. And I believed the stories. I believed the stories because I had pastored at an Acts 29 church and so much rang true from what I saw in my experience there.

Am I supposed to believe the leadership board of Acts 29 didn’t know these things? How is that even possible? The consolidation of power and “the bodies under the bus” comments were not exactly secrets.

They either knew and didn’t care or just couldn’t believe the stories were true.

Of course the problem is the Mars Hill brand was exported throughout the world. There are a number of Acts 29 churches out there with good men leading them. But I have had connections to two A29 churches. Both have/had manifested much of what we have seen in Mars Hill that is ugly. One of the churches no longer exists as a result.

4) The ripple effect of all these things will be seen for years to come. And the effects will be widespread. It would be inexcusably naive to think this is a local issue only. It is very local, I agree. But it became more than that through all the conferences, Acts 29 bootcamps, books (plagiarized and otherwise), and podcasts. Yes, it’s a cautionary tale for churches everywhere. But more than that, the “brand” of Mars Hill is everywhere.

5) When someone says they like Jesus but they are struggling with liking the church, this is one reason why. One among many. But a really, really good reason for you to listen and be patient.