1. One of the benefits of re-reading books is seeing different things. I’ve always attributed that to missing something in the earlier readings. But I think it’s more likely that I’m reading through a lens of my experiences and as those experiences and circumstances grow and change, what I see changes. What I’ve been  going through colors the reading.

2. Morrison’s Astral Weeks has the greatest intro of all the music ever recorded. It sounds like all the beauty ever looked for.

3. One of the things I miss about being a pastor is being able to sit and talk with people without being on a clock. 

4. I’m now at the point where I’d rather eat at home than eat out. Is that part of growing old?

5. The greatest hindrance to my growth in grace/following Jesus is my fear of tomorrow.

6. Do you not know the politicians are telling you what you want to hear until they don’t have to?

7. Prayer, the one thing I need to be doing, I find the hardest to do.

8. Though surrounded by violence, the early church stood apart without killing their enemies.

9. Seamus Heaney is worth the digging it takes to get down into his poems. There’s good soil. Much grows there.

10. The other night I sat and watched my sons play and we listened to an old Van Morrison record. It was one of those moments when everything stood still, though the record spun and the toys clinked. Are these not holy moments, when we see the beauty of what God has given?

  
1. Close enough to opening day of baseball to plan the day’s menu.

2. While we were sinners – in other words, not measuring up – Christ died us. The powers and systems of this world are constantly checking to see if we measure up.

3.  I drove by the house I grew up in yesterday, it looked like a foreclosure. There was no sign of the love and happiness and wonder I knew there. All that had gone. My sons were with me and I’m sure they could no more imagine beauty among the near ruin as they could a trip to the moon.

4. The scriptures value music and song deeply. But it is never merely entertainment. It is always help along “the way.”

5. Eugene Peterson has ruined me. Him and Calvin. 

6. My wife cooks all things well.

7. Listening to Van Morrison on vinyl.

8. There is a huge difference between those who see the gospel as merely the message we take to others and those who see the gospel as the daily reality by which all reality is understood.

9. I have been thinking a lot about writing lately. And “Publishing.” And wondering if the church is doing it right. How are we different outside of our message? Are we supposed to be charging people for books that are to give them life and hope? Charging the same? Marketing the same? All our books we charge so much for spring from writings that were freely distributed because they were giving life and hope to people.

10. One of the values of Paul saying he resolved to know nothing but Christ and him crucified is that we are prone to veer into issues being the one thing we are tempted to make the main thing.

1. Having loads of people in your home to listen to live music is the way to do things. Especially if the music reaches the dark beauty of the night sky.

2. A consumeristic culture’s grief will manifest itself most fully in buying up the goods of a particular celebrity. It’s shallowness will only ask, “Is this wrong?” Never asking, “Why are we doing this?”

3. The life of Jesus is a bottomless well of life-giving wisdom.

4. This is when baseball season feels as if it will never come.

5. Vivaldi (Perlman) in the quiet of the morning. With day breaking. Everyone asleep. Still. Only violins. The sound of the heater sometimes. Maybe a car passing. But still. A lone bird.

6. I am reading a book about the Acoma Tribe in New Mexico and there is a section describing how the Spanish gave many of the tribes the options of conversion or be conquered. Sounds familiar.

7. I preached for the first time in a long time this past weekend. And I really enjoyed doing so. I don’t know what to do with that.

8. When I make the effort to step outside of pop culture, I can get fresh air.

9. When I was a kid I really, really wanted Prince’s album 1999. I loved the song “Little Red Corvette” having no idea what it was about. In the liner notes, Prince thanks God. Or maybe he did in an interview or something like that and I remember trying to convince my parents this was a good reason for me to listen to buy the album. All to no avail. I think about this story and how I used Jesus, every time Christians post a “spiritual” quote or observation in the wake of a celebrity dying.

10. This song has been playing in my head for almost a year now. I’m not complaining.

 

1. Last night, I looked over at my wife and she had just made this incredible meal and we were sitting there talking with friends and I thought, “all this and Jesus too?”

2. Have you ever stopped to think about how amazing food is? How it just grows and walks around for us to make into pizza and tacos?

3. There is very little value placed in thinking long and hard about our opinions and convictions in the church. And by long and hard I don’t mean hours. I mean seasons and years.

4. We are now at the time of year when the joy of watching a ballgame seems like an unimaginable pleasure.

5. I ordered a CD a couple days ago and it didn’t come with an instant download and I feel like I’m ten and I’ve just sent in 30 box tops from Count Chocula and I’m waiting for the pack of three baseball cards which will come in 4-6 weeks.

6. I’d be okay with someone stealing our televisions.

7. We’ve been visiting a church lately in which we are surrounded by heads of gray hair. It’s actually one of things I love about it. More than one of those older saints needs a wheelchair or walker. No one advertises their church with this. But they should.

8. The other night we were watching the The Gospel of John as a family and it was the scene with the woman at the well and it was really beautiful and came alive. We were trying to explain to our kids how Jesus drew in the outsiders. And then I thought about how poorly I have done that. I’m worried about property values.

9. Cool, exciting, relevant, engaging, and dynamic are not fruits of the Spirit.

10. Normally, these thoughts are mine. But I want to offer you something from someone else. Most of you know I just discovered the music of Sara Groves. This week I read a great article/interview about her struggles with depression and how it shaped her newest album. And her new album is wonderful. Below are the lyrics to the title track with a video of the song also. Enjoy.

Some hearts are built on a floodplain
Keeping one eye on the sky for rain
You work for the ground that gets washed away
When you live closer

Closer to the life and the ebb and flow
Closer to the edge of “I don’t know”
Closer to “that’s the way it goes”
Some hearts are built on a floodplain

And it’s easy to sigh on a high bluff
Look down and ask when you’ve had enough
Will you have the sense to come on up
Or will you stay closer

Closer to the danger and the rolling deep
Closer to the run and the losing streak
And what brings us to our knees
Some hearts live here

Oh the river it rushes to madness
And the water it spreads like sadness
And there’s no high ground
And there’s no high ground
Closer to the danger and the rolling deep
Closer to the run and the losing streak
And what brings us to our knees

Closer to the life and the ebb and flow
Closer to the edge of I don’t know
Closer to “Lord, please send a boat.”
Some hearts are built here

  
1. We started watching The Gospel of John last night. We will watch about 5 mins every night for a couple months. After we’ve discussed the scene, we’ll then pray together. Our hope is to have conversations about Jesus with our kids. I also hope for at least 10 mins every night when I won’t have to hear my boys talk about Pokemon.

2.  The NT is silent on the pursuit of our dreams.

3. Sara Groves’ new album Floodplain is a breathtaking piece of atmospheric americana. The subdued drama reminds me of Emmylou’s Wrecking Ball. And every perfect summer night on an open road. She’s also a fellow traveler through the dark night of the soul. You can hear it soft and clear.

4. The work of the cross is staggering because Jesus died for his enemies. Though he deserved to live and defend his righteousness, he died for his enemies. He died for us. The incongruity my desire to kill my enemies is also staggering.

5. For the last couple of nights, Bethany and I have sat in the den with a fire listening to music. No TV. The kind of nights you never regret.

6. I never understood how much the joy of the holidays was connected to my parents till they were gone.

7. I’ve already broken my New Year’s resolution of eating wings and pizza everyday in 2016.

8. I may be going through a midlife crisis of faith. Where my faith is steady confidence in the love of God for me despite what happens. I hope it lasts.

9. I would think a pastor who refused to kill his enemies because he loved them would be a force to reckon with.

10. I’m pretty convinced the greatest obstacle in the Christian life is fear. And that the remedy is love.

1. I think Jesus was saying a lot of things when he told Satan, “man doesn’t live on bread (an “essential”) alone but on every word from God’s mouth.” One thing he was certainly saying is that Matt can do without his beloved record player console because he has the Scriptures.

2. Someone mentioned the “circle of life” the other day and I assumed they were talking about pizza.

3. There were parts I liked about the new Star Wars, but there was something about it leaving me empty, with a need to fill up that space. I don’t know how else to explain it.

4. I wish I could hear Rich Mullins’ “Jesus Demos” on vinyl.

5. Our culture is infatuated with all that is gross and disturbing. Our commercials, conversations and entertainment. I have two boys I would like to go the the Philippians 4:8 direction. But that feels impossible.

6.  Thad Cockrell singing “To Be Loved”

7. I hate the snobbery rising up in me when I go to Wal-Mart. I have a “People of Wal-Mart” heart that looks nothing like Jesus’ heart for the least of these.

8. Last night we ate turnip green soup and cornbread and it was great because I’m old.

9. You know that quick moment as a parent when you have to decide whether to laugh or scold and you choose to laugh and your child’s face lights up in joy? That’s probably an echo of the grace of God we enjoy.

10. I think that as we grow in our faith, the good things we love about life change how we look at life after death. The temptation is to enjoy the things of now so much we can hardly bear the thought of losing them in death. Usually, times have to be hard for us to look forward to what is coming. But as we grow in faith and hope, all we enjoy now slowly, quietly, makes us long for the making of all things new.

 While some of the music listed below is new music released in 2015, much is not. The older I get the more I listen to music older than I am. And I just can’t do a list of music released in 2015. I’ve tried before. The “best of” lists are already limited. And I don’t want to limit them to music only released in the previous 12 months between Jan. 1 and Dec. 31. Plus, I like talking about the old albums I’ve bought. The old albums that have spun on someone else’s turntable. Some 50 years ago or more.

So my criteria for what is below is I listened to them for the first time in 2015 and I own the vinyl version.

Also, these are not necessarily listed in the order of how much I like them. While the first two I could certainly call my absolute favorites of the year, the rest are randomly listed.

The Burning Edge of Dawn – Andrew Peterson

He gets it. You can hear it in the music. You can hear it in his voice. And the lyrics are clear. AP has stared into the blackness of “the dark night of the soul” and wondered. If God loves him. If any of it matters. Will the dawn ever come? I’ve listened to a lot of music in my life. And when I was going through all he sings about, I would reach back like a drowning man for songs to help me along. I always found something helpful. But nothing that felt like a mirror and a window I could look into. Nothing like this. This album goes far beyond entertainment. That is too small a Universe. This was sound, voice and word helping me put all I had been through into focus.

Psalms – Sandra McCracken

I started listening to this album while at the beach with friends. The specter of going back to work after the vacation was haunting me and making me miserable. This album helped. Before long this album become a help in the middle of the night when I’d wake up and my mind, packed solid with worry, would race. And then my heart would race. It was like spiritual Xanax, having these songs in my head. It’s also a beautiful album and sounds lush on vinyl. You can hear the music bouncing off the floor of Brian Murphy’s Brooklyn apartment.

Time Out – Dave Brubeck

When this was released in 1959 it blew the jazz and pop worlds’ minds simultaneously. It did what no other Jazz album has ever done. This jazz album had a song (with no vocals) hit the Pop Charts of Billboard peeking at #2. I had never listened to it before this Fall. And I fell in love quick. Actually, I’m kinda obsessed.

Coming Home – Leon Bridges

When I first heard the title track, it took my breath away because he sounds so much like Sam Cooke. And no one sounds like Sam Cooke. But this guy does. Every song is great. The album sounds old. Possibly because it was recorded on vintage equipment. It sounds like 1960.

Modern Sounds In Country and Western Music (Vol 1 &2) – Ray Charles

Saturday. A few days before I bought my first turntable. I expected nothing, but the estate sale guy said there were some records down in the basement. So I went down and Volume 1 with its blood red cover is the first thing I saw when I got to the bottom of the steps. Volume 2 was right behind it. I picked up about 10 great records that day but nothing as good as these. We’ve probably listened to these two albums more than anything else. They cost me $1.00 total. I’m not sure I could sell them.

Jazz Samba – Stan Getz and Charlie Byrd

I just got it on vinyl. But I’ve been listening to the first album of Bossa Nova ever recorded for a few months. Getz/Gilberto (“The Girl From Ipanema”) is the most famous. But this is the first Bossa Nova album. I can’t believe I found it. Stan Getz sounds like every perfect night of silence. And Charlie Byrd’s guitar is perfect.

Shadows in the Night – Bob Dylan

I named a son after Dylan. But I did not think I would like this album of Dylan doing Sinatra standards as much as I do. The first time I listened, I admit, I wondered what I had just bought. But then I listened again and again and each time I heard something that drew me in. He is an old man now. And when he sings “That Lucky Old Sun” it has meaning.

Something More Than Free – Jason Isbell

I love this album. Every note. Every line. The only singer/songwriter I can compare Isbell to is Townes. And I don’t really have a higher compliment when it comes to country music. Every note. Every line. All worth your attention.

Duets – Van Morrison

Its Van Freaking Morrison…

 

 

1. I was in a store the other day and heard “Joy to the World” and it seemed like the most natural thing in the world and the most subversive message possible at the same time.

2.  Resolutions for the new year are a good idea. But I recommend resolutions for the past year also. Resolve to look back and see God’s goodness to you, especially during hard times. So you will remember when they come again.

3. Christians should be the most charitable with those they disagree with others because of the charity we received while we were enemies of God.

4. “…wonders of his love.”

5. The NT becomes a startling piece of communication to those who follow Jesus when you realize there are no directives about survival.

6. I cannot help but think we would care very little for forms of corporate worship if we , Christians held no power and were instead a persecuted people. Our preferences are luxuries.

7. The desire to do whatever you want is a terrible slavery.

8. If the Scriptures are truly the word of God, then we should expect help and profit from them even when we don’t feel the help or see the profit. Maybe the Holy Spirit is doing something. Our conviction should be that it will not return void.

9. I have found when I am worried about being cool or making my faith cool, my heart grows cold toward God and others.

10. After you have made all your resolutions, add another. Resolve to remember God’s mercies when you fail. Resolve to look back over the last year and remember his mercy. And if the last year is a fog of disappointment and failure, look back still further. Look back to the mercy of the cross and the forgiveness there. It stands high above the blinding mist. Outside of us. And puts an end to the lies we will tell ourselves when we cannot lose the weight or keep up with the daily reading schedule. Resolve to remember that if he died for us while we were still enemies, he will love us when we are failures.

Yes. I have independently published a book. And because it is a collection of random thoughts and a few essays from this blog, I felt like I would rip a hole in the space-time-mass continuum by not telling you all about it in the format you have come to expect from me.

1. A while back my wife and I talked about doing something like this. Of course, we were thinking all of the random thoughts. Not just the “pastoral” ones.

2. I published this independently because I knew no publisher would touch it. I wouldn’t blame them. And the temptation would be to do it differently. And this is what I wanted to put out there, especially when I realized what I had on my hands.

3. This will not make me rich but I may be able to take my wife to Wendy’s or buy some vinyl.

4. This book is a terrible business decision. And I assume some people will think this is a terrible idea. Which is possibly why I love it so much.

5. One thing I learned as I was culling these “thoughts” is my random thoughts were not as pastoral as I would have liked. I was disappointed to see far too much righteous indignation and not enough words of comfort. There is grace enough for this too.

6. There are a few of these pastoral thoughts I think are worth the price of admission. I couldn’t believe I actually wrote them.

7. It was no surprise to me when I gathered all the more “pastoral” random thoughts they were a reflection of my own struggles and grief over the past five years. I was looking for comfort and hope, which is the goal of this book.

8. Typos and formatting issues? Perfect.

9. Hemingway said, “There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.” As I look back on what it took for these thoughts to be born, I understand that now.

10. My hope? Maybe this little book can be a refreshing drink for thirsty souls. Hopefully these thoughts are little shafts of light for the way home in a blackened night. Anchors for the storm. And hopefully notes of grace when all you can hear is silence. Good news for those need it.

You can purchase it here.

 

  
1. It’s funny. I love the new Adele album. But it makes me want to listen to music with some hope. Even a corner of hope. It’s a beautiful record. But there is so little hope, even between the lines. Maybe it’s just the wrong record for the moment.

2. Too bad St. Stephen didn’t have a gun.

3. I’ve started five books in the last week or so. I cannot find anything I want to read. My mind wanders. I’ve been here before. But I want something I can land in for a while. Something that made me feel like I did when discovered Berry, Dillard, Robinson, and McCarthy.

4. I loved Andrew Peterson’s Behold the Lamb of God show the other night. But the best part was my 12 year old putting her head on my shoulder during.

5. It is hard to listen to Christians who have not been through the “dark night of the soul.” And those of us who have been through it can tell when someone has. The smell of the smoke of the hell walked through never really leaves you.

6. The other day I was talking with a pastor of a largish church. A pastor I respect very much. And he told me he had no idea what is going on in the larger evangelical world. It was the most refreshing thing I’d heard in a long time.

7. Have you ever stopped to think  about what a gift music is? What would it be like to have no music? No songs. No singing. No guitars strummed up into the starry night. No crackle of the dust on a record in the silence between the notes. No blues. No Psalms. No drum beats moving underneath the darkness taking us toward light and the hope of safe harbor. No lyrics that give voice to all our fears and joys and failures and dreams of better days. All of us have a sung song that makes us achingly long for something more than what we know.

8. My wife made a ham the other day that I’m gonna have to go into detox for after its all gone.

9. American Christianity thinks it’s enemy is flesh and blood.

10. It is hard to stop being a pastor.