Tuesday’s 10: Ways to Annoy a Legalist

1. Quote from The Message. “Well, The Message says…”

2. Laugh. Especially at yourself and your own weaknesses. They will not understand, assume you are carnal and therefore be very annoyed.

3. When describing what you were doing, offhandedly throw in, “I was listening to The Beastie Boys with my kids and…”

4. Compare the price of gas to the price of wine by volume. The point is not the price of either so much as to get them thinking about the cardinal sin of you knowing anything about wine except its evilness. (If they ask how you know about the price of wine, tell them you were asked to provide wine for a wedding party and you didn’t want to run out. You can do this with a smirk or straight face – either way, it’s awesome.)

5. Refer to The Message as a “translation.” This works every. single. time.

6. Act like you have never heard of Fireproof/Courageous/etc.

7. Casually use words from eastern religions. A good example would be, “That was a very Zen moment.” If you want to double down, use the previous phrase to describe a worship song. (But be careful, you might have to explain what you mean. If you can’t, just move straight into #2.)

8. Just own a copy of The Message.

9. Tell them U2 is your favorite Christian band.

10. Preach/teach/ooze grace. Love sinners and be gracious. Drives ’em nuts.