1. (Standing up sheepishly and looking disheveled) “Hi, my name is Matt Redmond and I cannot remember the last time I had bacon.” (looks down ashamedly and sits down with head bowed.)
2. I’ve lost
3 4 friends on facebook in the last couple of days. I blame the Tea Party, El Nino and Tokyo Rose (Update: maybe also Joe McCarthy?).
3. If we are after the respect of the world around us we will not take positions on justice the world does not respect.
4. I’ve got mad dishwasher filling skills.
5. I only eat buffalo wings if the buffaloes were treated kindly before being de-winged.
7. My wife is hot. And you know what? She’s tired of it and ready for fall.
8. All these riots prove we are not ready for the rise of dinosaur robots with jet packs and rocket launchers.
9. I’ve got $5, I owe $50 so of course I’m gonna go buy a new car.
10. I mean I can understand why some people would want to re-elect our President, for one he’s not stupid like that stupid Sarah Palin, who stupidly wants us to have lower taxes, lower energy costs like an idiot while at the same time reducing our energy dependency on countries which hate us (which is brainless) and she stupidly wants to create jobs by creating wealth. Women are so dumb.