1. Sometimes your day is full to the edge of all the blues a song can hold and then you get free tickets to sit in the front row of the Mezzanine and hear Emmylou Harris sing “Prayer In Open D.”

2. The rain delay for the Cardinals began as we left to go eat and see Emmylou in concert. The game began as soon as we returned home. Cards won. I’m winning.

3. I don’t appreciate the school pressuring my son to wear pink today. Although I’m kinda glad he has no idea why.

4. My family only eats organic pumpkin candy.

5. I have eight sick days left so I’m now drinking after everyone as much as possible.

6. I’m about to finish my fortieth year on this strange and beautiful earth. And I still prefer hot dogs over all things. And wish I had a lightsaber.

7. Now that I’m coming to the end of LOTR and have worked so hard to get there once again, I find myself not wanting it to end.

8. I have renounced Satan and his show, Yo Gabba Gabba.

9. (Unspoken random thought…, hey I grew up baptist)

10. Sometimes the stress of life and the toil of reality breaks upon the soul’s shore and then you get a respite in the form of Emmylou Harris singing “Boulder to Birmingham.”

 

1. Last night I dreamed that Justin Taylor read an excerpt of my book, questioned my orthodoxy and then John Piper said “Farewell” and my book then skyrocketed up the best sellers list.

2. You ever read The Lord of the Rings and envy Frodo and Sam’s journey to Mordor because they don’t have to go to work?

3. I’ll be running a special on my book. If you buy one at full price you get nine more at full price also.

4. I wonder what Pujols is doing right now.

5. You ever see people on facebook or Twitter talk about being sick and think, “I wish I was sick at home”?

6. I thought my kids were really smart and then they fell for “The Quiet Game” all too easily.

7. My 3 year old son insists Dora is quality TV. The exorcism is scheduled for next week.

8. I just read that James MacDonald makes $500,000.00 per year. As a pastor.

9. Read an article the other day about how demeaning flipping burgers as a job is for young people. My first thought was about how awesome that job would be…because it’s burgers.

10. Everyone finds humility attractive until someone comes to you for help, hat in hand. And then we wish they had more pride.

The following was begun 2 weeks ago.

I have a theory.

There are a lot of theories out there on why people leave the church and never return or return only much later in life and some of them are very compelling. I’ve never really bought into the idea that biblical illiteracy is the cause. Wishy washy doctrine surely doesn’t help. And  my entire life as a youth pastor – trying to keep kids at least intrigued with The King and his Kingdom – was set like a flint on inculcating a Christian Worldview. Others set me on that path and I am thankful for them.

But I still have a theory taking this a little further. A theory too new in my own head for me to place my full weight on. A theory I am not too sure I could have had if my story of leaving the ministry and entering the business world were different. Apart from the difficulties, I might not have this theory at all.

Here is my theory – one reason why so many people, young and old, leave the faith is no one is helping them think about what the great majority of what their lives are made up of.

Christianity is given (sold?) to us, in the main, as a life of evangelism, morality and church activities. Evangelism is painful for most people. Morality is great but there are always unbelievers who are more moral. And church activities, even when profoundly helpful, are another spinning plate in already busy lives.

Honestly, I can’t help thinking this is not enough.

Sure, there are the gospel-hyphenated movements that get people to be gospel-centered, and these do some good in helping people see the big picture. But the big picture is not enough. It is not enough to see the big picture.

Our lives are made up of finely drawn details. Each day is full of countless ones. We do all these “little” things at home, at work, and in the marketplace and they just don’t get a lot of sermon time.

Evangelism gets a lot of press. Devotionals get a lot too. I mean, not from the Apostle Paul, mind you. But they get them from everyone today.

But let’s face it, outside of the Lutherans, who is talking about work and vocation? And every adult works at some level. The mom in the home, whose work is never done and all those who leave the house (or don’t) and work all day for a paycheck work hard in a land of minefields. Sometimes those minefields are buried deep below beautiful fields of green. Others are just below service and must be traversed with moment-by-moment care.

Usually, our work is seen as just a means of evangelism or make money for those doing the real work of the kingdom in other lands.

Course, we didn’t get that from anyone but ourselves. But what about work is like God and where is God seen in it? How do we know him better through it? Where does this work fit in the Kingdom and how does it reflect it’s values?

I keep asking these questions because I’m working. Everyday I go to a job I do not like just like so many others. We catch glimpses of the glory of the King and his reign but I long for more.

Mothers, day after day, well, mother. They cook and clean and some have to add work outside the home onto that.

This isn’t a request for pity. It’s a plea for meaning.

For all our talk about relevance. We are not very good at it. We think faux-hawks, untucked plaid shirts and references to pop music will do the trick. Men and women don’t walk away because of the way we dress. Who would give a rip about them anyway?

They walk away because we are answering the questions they are not asking.

They want to live and work (and play?) Christianly. And so we send them to an evangelism class. We have taught them to have a wretched urgency about the souls they work with. But we have taught them next to nothing about the soul of work.

——————–

Everything you just read I wrote a few weeks back in a fit of frustration. None of these thoughts are new on this blog  and so I saw no real need to post them here. I was worried the words were not sound enough to be helpful.

But then two things happened.

First I heard from a few different people. They poured out their frustrations and were glad there was someone who was dealing with some of the same issues with work and faith and vocation and looking for some hope beyond and within it all.

Then Skye Jethani posted a quote by Dorothy Sayers that I could not get over. Sayers is the closest thing to a female C.S. Lewis we may ever have. She was a friend of his and has the same ability to cut through the fog of confused thinking with simple and eloquent language. The following is from “Why Work.”

“In nothing has the Church so lost Her hold on reality as in Her failure to understand and respect the secular vocation. She has allowed work and religion to become separate departments, and is astonished to find that, as a result, the secular work of the world is turned to purely selfish and destructive ends, and that the greater part of the world’s intelligent workers have become irreligious, or at least, uninterested in religion. But is it astonishing? How can any one remain interested in a religion which seems to have no concern with nine-tenths of his life?” 

So my theory may have some merit. I’m under no illusion this is the whole answer. But I sometimes wonder if we are really talking about the real thing.

I repeat, most often, the question, “Why work?” is answered with only evangelism and missions. Rarely, if ever, is there anything else to the answer. We hear nothing about God’s view of work and his creativity.

Shouldn’t we want the arc of the redemptive story to stretch over our lives and be the banner of the way we think about this 9/10ths of our lives?

My guess is the reason we rarely hear about these thing is that sounds like hard work. Evangelism and missions are easy for pastors and bloggers and writers. Those subjects preach well. And they are needed. We need to think and talk about those things.

And we need to talk about morality. In a world careening into darkness, we must.

But we should not be surprised when people leave if this is all we are serving them.

1. When my book comes out I promise not to ignore my critics. I will reach out to them on their Facebook page, download a picture of them, print it out and throw darts at it.

2. We have moved on from bumper sticker theology to Twitter theology.

3. Thinking about adding “invented the BBQ pork quesadilla with Veleveeta” to my already swelling resumè.

4. Only a sports journalist would ignore history while making the case that Cabrera has made history and therefore should win AL MVP.

5. Saw a bumper sticker with the sign of the Deathly Hallows and my first thought was “How nerdy is that?” And then I wondered where I could get one.

6. It’s that time of year again when I start asking myself the all-important question of whether I should buy a Han Solo costume.

7. When J.K. Rowling was asked if she was worried that the kids who grew up reading her Harry Potter books would now be reading her newest book which has a lot of sexual content in it, she said she never asked to be anyone’s babysitter. No, but you did ask to be invited into our homes.

8. I decided to cut the grass when my kids asked to go play in the woods and they meant the front yard.

9. You know the conservative won the debate when your liberal friends tweet about how boring the debate was.

10. Evangelicalism has become a circus and the ringleaders decry those who exit the tent.

My plan was to write a number of posts on all the things below. Best laid plans. And I just figured less is more.

Most of what I have written below is still being learned by a guy who left vocational ministry and entered the business world. I’ve just now gotten through the Freshman level courses. I think I know something and I’m probably on the verge of being sophomoric – you know, thinking I know more than I really do.

Many of you know all of this far better than I and could tell better stories. My experience sounds “cynical” or “pessimistic” but only because I am. At least about my job. I’m working on being thankful for it and letting that seep into my daily experience. Right now, it’s just a fact. “God gave me this job. I should be thankful.”

I am thankful for what I’ve learned. And I’ve learned a lot. Here is some of it…

The struggle between self-interest and loving your neighbor is real. When I started this job, I vowed I would not let my principles get overtaken by my desire to do well and be successful. This was easy in the beginning. I knew nothing about the finance world and could not even balance my own checkbook. There was very little drive for me to do well to make money by achieving my goals and then get a bonus. Heck, I was just trying to keep my head above and not look like an idiot. But I’ve gotten fairly good at my job and now I find myself having to struggle to care about people more than my numbers.There are always those ethical gray areas that make your stomach hurt even if you have not technically done anything wrong. And there are always situations when the company will be pleased but God won’t.

Christians are not the best customers. You wouldn’t believe how often I deal with professing Christians who do not even attempt to be civil. OK, maybe you would. They are sometimes insulting. Sometimes they are dishonest. And sometimes they have asked me to be dishonest. You may not be surprised. What is surprising to me is that even though we – the customer and myself – have established that we are both believers, they have no shame in the way they treat me or others (spouse, child, etc.). I just don’t think Christians know how to deal with others in the marketplace. They probably know how to evangelize and do a quiet time. But they are clueless on how to love others in the marketplace.

Numbers are merciless. I am measured by numbers and measure others by numbers. And it sounds terrible because it is terrible. Dollars, dates, scores…all of it defines the relationships. After a year, I am still not used to this. When you work in ministry, you have at least the moral high road when numbers are thrown at you. And grace can permeate the relationships in vocational ministry. I kinda miss that. I hate looking at people and seeing dollar signs and higher scores. But it’s almost unavoidable.

Work can steal joy. The other night I took the trash to the curb and all the lights were already out on the outside of the house. The moon was electric light. For a moment I was struck. I could feel the beauty down deep. There’s a deep magic in those moments if you can move slow enough to feel them. But a moment later it was washed away by the fact of work the next day. There are those who would blame me (and you). But I sincerely tried to push it back, I wanted to draw out the greatness of that moment but couldn’t. I had to get up the next morning and go to work at a job I do not like. And so the brightness of the moon waned.

God breaks in. For some strange reason I keep getting shocked by the goodness of God filtering into my work. I’m not talking about raises or promotions. I would like those but have yet to enjoy one of them. The other night I finished book two of The Lord of the Rings and I got to one of my favorite parts. The movie does not do it justice, but when Sam and Frodo use the phial of light given by Galadrial, it is wonderful. This otherworldly light, inexplicable in its power to push back the darkness, gives the Hobbits some hope in black place. God, in his great mercy, does this again and again. Either by giving me opportunities to really help someone or simply by putting someone’s shining story in my path on a dark day.

Dignity is at a premium. In the business world it is easy to steal dignity. It can be done in myriad ways. And it is devastating to behold, even more so to experience. But here is where the Christian can push against the fall. Showing dignity to the hurting, the poor and those who are marginalized is to do the work of the Kingdom. Simply being kind to them, even when you cannot help them, can be a cup of cold water for parched souls. Often, no one is at fault. For instance, I’m learning something wholly new things everyday, it feels like I’m in High School taking a foreign language course for the first time. But I’m the oldest one in the room and dignity can be hard to come by those situations.

The one thing we do the most, no one talks about. No one talks about work in the Christian world but Lutherans. We, evangelicals are good at talking about evangelism, quiet times, family values, et al. But I work everyday and it is hard to find talks, books, anything to helping me think about my work and how to survive and thrive and think about it and process it at the end of the day. Preaching the gospel to myself can help, sure. But it ain’t cutting it for everything.

Friendship is a lifeline.  If I was not able to instant message my friend, Sean, all day throughout the day, while at work, I am not sure I would have made it this far. We talk about baseball, work, our families, work, music, work, church, food, and work. My sanity disappears on the days he is off work. I like the people I work with, I guess, but none of them are like Sean. We were friends before the job and will be after the job. He’s been with the company for a long time and it’s good to have a friend who can help me navigate the rough waters of corporate America. Not having one would be unfathomable.

Work done to support your family is spiritual work. I’m not sure where we got the idea it wasn’t. But far too many people have bought into the idea that all the spiritual work is done by pastors and missionaries. Or work that is done with the goal of supporting them is spiritual work. A Christian man working to support his family because he believes he has a responsibility to do so will get no press. But it is Kingdom work nonetheless.

Trustworthy people are a refuge. Trusting people is difficult anyway. In the business world it can make you crazy, I would think. If everyone’s success is determined by numbers, the only thing you can really trust is reaction of the powers that be to your numbers. I never had to think about this kind of thing before. But can imagine the power of a faith community that is a refuge of trust for people who have worked year upon year in this kind of environment? I can. I crave it.

1. I should probably start by apologizing for this bacon shortage thing.

2. Bands with vaguely spiritual lyrics and at least one instance of profanity are now a niche market.

3. When my two sons started playing together and were kind to one another the other night, I instantly opened to the book of Revelation to see if it was a sign.

4. My wife thinks I have a mancrush on R.A. Dickey. I mean, just because I want to get in touch with him so we can talk British Lit and the Knuckleball over tea….in the soft moonlight?

5. You know, if you don’t watch TV, you won’t have to see NBC’s commercials for their shows.

6. What am I gonna do after this last week of fantasy baseball…besides reintroduce myself to my wife and kids?

7. Those people who are complaining about The Hobbit being stretched over three movies are the same people who think they have been served too much bacon. “No, no,  why would I want three pieces of bacon when I can have only two?”

8. A sure sign that my 3 year old son is gonna need counseling when he is older is his love for Yo-Gabba-Gabba.

9. For Halloween, I was thinking about going as something fairly easy to pull off, you know, like a frustrated banker.

10. So the real refs will finally be back tonight and everything will change and no one will complain about the officiating in the NFL anymore.

1. My wife said I needed to write something light on my blog or people would think I was depressed. Course I couldn’t hear her, I was listening to Adele sing ‘Someone Like You’ over and over.

2. My kids keep expecting me to buy them stuff like food and clothing.

3. Sometimes while talking to customers about their finances I wonder how they would respond if I told them I failed Algebra 2. Aaaaand the second time I only “passed” because my teacher was tired of me.

4. How come there are no TV shows with tough female leads that look like super models?

5. You know what’s funny? Turkey Bacon.

6. I’ll take Romney’s “gaffe” over Obama’s hanging out with celebs while our embassies burn.

7. When is Jane Austen gonna stop being so lazy and write us another novel?

8. Why do my neighbors with pristine yards keep offering me their lawn and garden tools “to use anytime I need them”?

9. After a year in the banking industry I am pretty sure most people think banks should just give them money because they want it.

10. My kids are awesome. You want one of ’em?

 

We work our fingers down to dust                                                                             And we wait for Kingdom Come                                                                                      – Brian Fallon

One year ago today I put on a blue suit. My parents bought me that blue suit back in 2003. I picked out the suit from a department store at the St. Louis Galleria on the occasion of my graduation from Covenant Seminary with a Masters of Divinity. More than 8 years later I put it on to walk away from the world of vocational ministry and to enter the world of business.  I knew so very little of this world it felt as if the blue suit was the only thing covering my naked nerves. 

I thought I was pretty world-wise. And I was to a point. But I was a babe in the woods. Naive to what this new world was all about. 

That first day in orientation is still a vivid memory. Focus was difficult. Everything was surreal. There was a “This is really happening” thread through all my emotions and thoughts. When the orientation was over, my most natural reaction was to notice how awkward it was no one closed in prayer. That’s how strange it was to me. The room was a little warm for my taste but I kept the coat of the blue suit on anyway. The only other person wearing a suit was the speaker at the front of the room, for someone reason this reassured me. That may have been arrogance or wishful thinking.

He went through all the values of the company, the vision and the mission, etc.  And here is where my naivete shone forth like a Fourth of July fireworks display. I soaked it in and was encouraged, believing it like a little kid watching commercials. This is not to suggest there are not more than few who really believe in these values, I just assumed they would be something of a daily guide.

For the life of me I cannot remember what I ate for lunch that day. It’s possible I went home since it was really only a half day. Usually, I can remember food in all it’s glorious detail. But that day, meals escape me. 

My wife asked me how it went and I am certain I said it went well and was impressed with what I was told. But heck, I wanted to be impressed. I wanted to like my new company and where I was casting my line for sustenance. The need to be positive and optimistic was overwhelming because I’d been looking for a job for a while.

Almost six months, I think. No company would even talk to me. I received no responses. Nothing. I even had help from people and I could get no traction. I never knew what the obstacle was. My resumés as seeds could find no purchase. Regardless, it killed all the hope I had put in my abilities and drove me to prayer in a very new way.

Along with anxiety about doing something wholly new, there was a sense of victory. It wasn’t pride or anything like that. Just victory…I don’t know how else to describe the way I felt. I’d finally found a position, thanks to a friend I ran into at a Gilian Welch and Dave Rawlings concert. Finally, a job. Victory!

A year later it feels like defeat. I would love to say that when I still put on the blue suit, the nerves have steadied and the victory has only been confirmed. But that would not be the truth. The truth is it feels like plain old fashioned defeat.

I’ve been reading a lot of baseball books lately. For some reason, I cannot get enough of them. One in particular reminded me of a game I played in when just a young teenager. I was probably 13 or 14 years old and I was pitching. It might have been an All Star game because I think it was in the summer. Can’t remember all of the details but some remain in High Definition. I was horrible to the point of feeling completely out of control. I remember crying and wishing I would get pulled out. And I remember Jan Jones was there watching it all unfold.

Other defeats have been worse. But this one sums it up this best. Lack of control of the situation, wishing someone would rescue me, and not doing well in full view of those whose opinion matters.

While I appreciate your sympathy, that is not why I tell the truth about this. I tell the truth because I have learned things I could have never learned otherwise. 

The most important thing I’ve learned is the reality of the situation I find myself in. Even if I had never experienced it, the defeat is felt by people every where. Those without jobs and those in jobs they hate and feel trapped in. They have to work because they need to take care of their family but they wade into defeat everyday. And it creeps up to their chin, week in and week out, threatening to drown them in soul-sucking monotony and dignity-stealing dead-ends.

My wife and I were having a discussion as I approached the anniversary of my first year at this job. She asked me how I felt about that. I told her it kinda depressed me. Her first response was very wise – “Can you imagine how it feels for those who have worked 30 years in a job feeling like you do?”

I can’t imagine. Those who have, have a character and an emotional fortitude far beyond my own. They are the faceless heroes, providing for their loved ones at the expense of their pride and all the dreams they dream under star-pocked nights.

Before this past year I would have listened to their troubles and had one of two reactions… depending on my mood that day. There is a good chance I would have dealt with their pain by getting to them see how much they are whining. I would shame them into acknowledging they should stop and just realize so many have it worse. Or I might have just told them they are not believing the gospel at this time in their life and they need a fresh vision of what Christ has done. They just need to preach the gospel to themselves.

But now that I find myself numbered among them, all that sounds hollow and inconsiderate. It doesn’t sound like the patience and kindness of the Holy Spirit. It sounds like the Pharisees who thought people with problems were placed before them to only be fixed.

So maybe it’s not only defeat. Maybe there is something mixed in making it a little more than just that. I wouldn’t call it victory but something altogether different. It’s the hope in God that can come served only with a hearty helping of defeat.

This hope includes a new job with better pay and more dignity, yes. But it also includes the knowledge of a God who has never made us homeless or hungry. Heck, we’ve never gone without wifi. (Although we did suffer through AT&T for awhile.)

It’s a hope with eternity and all it’s promises spread out like a clear cobalt-blue sky before me. Bluer even than the suit I’m wearing. I know this all sounds sad, but, I mean, all those promises sound a little tinny without at least a little defeat now and then.

———————————————————————————————————

So this is some of what I’m learning. But not nearly all of it. Over the next few weeks, I’ll be talking more about what I’ve what learned in moving from vocational ministry to the business world. I hope it won’t be boring but if it is, I’ll try to throw in some extra little posts here and there…