This past Sunday I preached for the first time in over 18 months. Many of you prayed for me and for that I am thankful.

It went well. And the act itself has made me put my hands up and say, “OK, you got me.”

Before, preaching felt like something for others. A way to get others to think. Or change. Yes, I included myself in all that. But the content was always the issue. The act itself was only a means.

This time it felt a revolutionary act. A declaration of war.

A declaration of war against myself. My pride. My plans. A declaration of war against all the responses to all the questions over the past year and a half. The final shot in a battle of wills, fought among the principalities, with the shrapnel strewn down here.

Is this why they call it “surrender?” I suppose those who surrender have no idea what is ahead.

And I wonder if this is how Jonah felt.