1. Plastic Wrap. The fact that there have been no wars or uprisings over this travesty of an invention is no excuse for there not being one now. I number Ralph Wiley among the great villains of our time.

2. Bacon Packaging. Do the people who package the stuff even like bacon? The package makes no sense and is an abomination. Maybe they are Jewish. We need the guy who came up with egg packaging to get on this.

3. Dora the Explorer. Why in the name of all that is sane, is she always yelling. My kids will listen to the Beastie Boys before I allow them to watch Dora. She is probably undocumented anyway.

4. Fax Machines. Wha…? Why are these still around? Has Mr. Fax made some deal with Western Civilization that establishes them in all business in perpetuity? They. Do. Not. Work.

5. Faith Hill/Taylor Swift/Etc. as Country Music. I don’t think Hank done it that way.

6. MTV. Ummmm, there is no music. At all. Ever. And yet someone is still watching it. If everyone stopped watching it, we might get music videos back. Or at least pop-up video. Something.

7. Hand-dryers. My kids are 9, 6, and 3 and they have already figured out that wiping their hands on their clothes works better.

8. Keira Knightly Playing Iconic Roles from Classic Novels. Why does this keep happening. Does she and her agent and all who put her in these roles hate my favorite stories? Do they hate me? If I were president she would go to Gauntanamo for her portrayal of Lizzy in P & P.

9. Ugg boots. We are laughing at you.

10. Skinny Jeans. You know, we used to stone men for less.

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