(I posted these last year at my old blog. Here they are again with some minor adjustments.)
I resolve to use Twitter and facebook to make fun of people and ridicule more, especially famous people who cannot even know I exist. It makes me feel special when people laugh at my 140-character wit at other people’s expense.
I resolve to practice my righteousness before men as much as possible on Twitter and facebook.
I resolve to retweet famous rock-star type pastors and look for good quotes that will be retweeted by people. It makes me feel good inside.
I resolve to use Twitter and facebook to make people feel guilty about their failures and sins and help them question their salvation.
I resolve to look down on those who do not use these social mediums and question the relevance of pastors who don’t especially.
I resolve to post all the awesome moments of familial bliss and not confess any frustrations so that you think I am an amazing parent and you have a lot to live up to.